Swimming Lessons

Being depressed is like drowning. 

You keep trying to float to the surface,

But after a while you get tired

And you just want to give up.

I say you, but I mean me. 

Some days, the only reason I keep paddling and gasping for some fucking air

Is because I could never force a bloated, water-logged corpse 

Into the lives of the people that I care about.

Some days, they’re the only thing 

Keeping me from finding out

If I can spontaneously sprout gills.

Some days even they don’t help,

Because you can be supportive all you want but 

It doesn’t go a long way if 

You don’t really understand

Mental illness.

If you take it for granted.

If you think it’s just a temporary feeling,

Like it will pass.

Try feeling like you’re drowning 

For over half your life, 

For years, 

For what feels like

Eons 

And 

Leagues. 

I don’t know many life forms

That can survive that kind of

Suffocation,

But humans are 

One of them.

Neil Hilborn said

The genes for creativity and mental illness

Are not related, 

But one and the same

And he is right.

Only creating something 

To get through it all,

To maybe buoy yourself 

for a brief moment

Can give you enough oxygen 

To keep it up.

You might not keep it up

For long,

But hey.

It’s a few more minutes on this

Godforesaken rock,

And that’s something

I suppose. 

AAE 

29 NOV 17