Being depressed is like drowning.
You keep trying to float to the surface,
But after a while you get tired
And you just want to give up.
I say you, but I mean me.
Some days, the only reason I keep paddling and gasping for some fucking air
Is because I could never force a bloated, water-logged corpse
Into the lives of the people that I care about.
Some days, they’re the only thing
Keeping me from finding out
If I can spontaneously sprout gills.
Some days even they don’t help,
Because you can be supportive all you want but
It doesn’t go a long way if
You don’t really understand
Mental illness.
If you take it for granted.
If you think it’s just a temporary feeling,
Like it will pass.
Try feeling like you’re drowning
For over half your life,
For years,
For what feels like
Eons
And
Leagues.
I don’t know many life forms
That can survive that kind of
Suffocation,
But humans are
One of them.
Neil Hilborn said
The genes for creativity and mental illness
Are not related,
But one and the same
And he is right.
Only creating something
To get through it all,
To maybe buoy yourself
for a brief moment
Can give you enough oxygen
To keep it up.
You might not keep it up
For long,
But hey.
It’s a few more minutes on this
Godforesaken rock,
And that’s something
I suppose.
AAE
29 NOV 17
